Real Gangstertwatism
Oh, shitbacks! You already heard about this? Suck it twice, though, buttass. I've only got a couple minutes until I black out, so please pay attention.
This is the Truth: I used to head up a terrorist group. It's important for you to know that we called ourselves "The Rain". It's from some quote about how the truth is unstoppable because it falls like rain or something. Maybe it doesn't. Fuck, man, I don't know. That might not be a quote from anyone. We just always really liked "The Weather Underground" and were trying to think of something similar. Similar it was. Relevant it may not have been.
The shitty part is that we carried out many of our threatened actions without hesitation. Well, no, that ain't the shitty part. What is dumb shitty about it is that whenever we did, we were greeted by a next-morning response to our fertilizer bombs and grammatically correct communiques whose headline would read something like:
BLAME IT ON THE RAIN
or
FIRE AND THE RAIN
What the fuck? We just killed two security guards and caused like $200,000 damage to a state government building and we get a fucking Milli Vanilli or god damn James Taylor reference in return? THAT'S BULLSHIT. I mean, I respect their musical efforts, but, shit, we prepped ourselves for negative coverage, no coverage, but not dismissive outdated pop culture reference coverage.
That's fucking bullshit. We worked hard on those explosive devices. In time, the ridicule was too much to bear. Now I work at Denny's.
The code phrase is "Moons Over My Hammy".
This is the Truth: I used to head up a terrorist group. It's important for you to know that we called ourselves "The Rain". It's from some quote about how the truth is unstoppable because it falls like rain or something. Maybe it doesn't. Fuck, man, I don't know. That might not be a quote from anyone. We just always really liked "The Weather Underground" and were trying to think of something similar. Similar it was. Relevant it may not have been.
The shitty part is that we carried out many of our threatened actions without hesitation. Well, no, that ain't the shitty part. What is dumb shitty about it is that whenever we did, we were greeted by a next-morning response to our fertilizer bombs and grammatically correct communiques whose headline would read something like:
BLAME IT ON THE RAIN
or
FIRE AND THE RAIN
What the fuck? We just killed two security guards and caused like $200,000 damage to a state government building and we get a fucking Milli Vanilli or god damn James Taylor reference in return? THAT'S BULLSHIT. I mean, I respect their musical efforts, but, shit, we prepped ourselves for negative coverage, no coverage, but not dismissive outdated pop culture reference coverage.
That's fucking bullshit. We worked hard on those explosive devices. In time, the ridicule was too much to bear. Now I work at Denny's.
The code phrase is "Moons Over My Hammy".
posted by Torso Fever at 2:39 PM
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