The Safe Word is "Organic"

Oh, yay. I'm so glad I found this. Please read the following "Roommate Wanted" ad from Portland Craigslist. I have to copy and paste it here because the original post was deleted by its author:

$350 Live on a permaculture mini-farm with queer pagan woman
Reply to: hous-216152014@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-10-04, 4:38PM PDT


Do you long for the country life but need to be close (20 Minutes) to town? Are you progressive, eco-conscious and love animals? Quiet, independant and responsible? Friendly and sane? If so, maybe you should come live with me!

The property is a peaceful acre and a half with goats, chickens, ducks, a llama, dogs and cats, as well as lots of wildliife. There are big trees and a creek in the winter. I'm tryiing to grow as much of my own food as possible, hopefully with left overs to sell next summer. The house is big, and fairly cluttered, though not 'dirty' for the most part, just lots of ornamentation. And there's a chemical-free hot tub! The neighborhood is wonderful, everyone's really nice and looks out for each other. It's amazingly progressive, as well, for the most part.

Who I am is a lesbian, druid and artist, and (now) farmer. I'm very spiritual, have a daily practice, and the group I'm involved with holds rituals on the property. I am also into BDSM, so that needs to not freak you out, although it would affect you minimally. Things I value are honesty, respect, and communication. I am very considerate and respectful of boundaries, and I expect the same in return. I also cherish the peace and quiet here, it's part of why I moved here. I'm kind, quirky, and funny, though I really appreciate my time alone. I'd love to have a meal together every week, when possible, and maybe go in on bulk orders together, that sort of thing.

The room for rent is fairly large, with its own bathroom, a sort of walk in closet and a separate entrance. It has newer carpeting on the floor, with a wool pad, so no offgassing worries.
The down side is it's in the basement, so it gets kind of cold, and there isn't a lot of light. Also, my art studio is in the main part of the basement, so you have to pass through that to get to the room. Again, mutual respect is necessary.

I live an ecological/permaculture lifestyle and expect the same in a housemate. This means recycling or composting almost everything, no chemicals, and water and energy conservation, including "letting it mellow". These things are very important to me and aren't negotiable. I'm also vegetarian and ask that meat not be cooked in the house. Also I don't watch TV and don't really want it in the house. There's no reception here anyway. Unfortunately, the place really isn't accessible by bike or public transportation, so you need to have a car.

My ideal housemate would be queer, female, and pagan, into the permaculture lifestyle, with gardening and natural building experience. All these things aren't necessary, but a girl can dream! The room is for only one person and you do need to be friendly to all of these things. I really would love someone who "gets" what I'm doing here, trying to be as self-sustaining as possible, and wants to be a part of it. Pets may be negotiable.

There is a partial work trade option, where you can work up to 10 hours a month for $10/hour off your rent. The ideal person, again, would want to help out in the garden besides this, in order to share in the bounty! There is also the possibility of an additional amount of space for an extra $100 rent. Utilities are not included and will be split, with me paying a larger part of most.

If this sounds like something you'd be interested in, please e-mail me. If you're just looking for cheap rent, please look elsewhere.

Green Blessings!

145th at foster google map yahoo map

* yes -- cats are OK - purrr
* yes -- dogs are OK - wooof
* this is in or around outer se portland
* no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

What can I say? It's every lame little bit of Portland wrapped up in one pathetic slob. If only she were pre-op transsexual, too.

Can I suppose that back in the small town in Ohio where she grew up, her rampant acne, 300-pound frame, and the guttural grunts and snorts she used in place of speech ostracized her from the entire 45-person graduating class of John Quincy Adams High, so she invented other reasons for her social ostracization in order to avoid honest self-appraisal? Anyone order a fat goth chick?

After her dad caught her sucking off Morton Masters, the 52-year-old manager of the local Quizno's (but "Eminem" to his friends), she announced with a gob in her eye (and Morton's fetus in her womb, unknown to her at the time) that she was moving someplace where people understood her lifestyle. Portland turned out to be that place. After six months or so of squatting and continuing to be a black hole for the spooge of the lifestyle anarchists from Gresham she lived with, she decided to return to her sandwich-pressing roots and joined up with Dogs Digs or some other dumpy-lesbian-run lunch spot in Portland's condo-packed, white-guilt-based Northwesternly shopping-type district.

When the unwelcome fetus made itself obvious by expanding even beyond the generous boundaries of her loafy stomach region, her buzz-haired coworkers united in their support of her freedom to choose an appropriately Portland lifestyle. So now she abhors TV and grows organic butter lettuce and masturbates to NPR. And she's still fat. And you're responsible, because you listen to music that degrades women. Like Journey and Chumbawumba.

And – oh, yeah – I like that she makes a point of mentioning that “letting it mellow” is not negotiable. Lady, if I can tolerate the agonized screams coming from your room while your girlfriend pummels your vagina all night with a black leather jackhammer (with optional fisting attachment), I'm pretty sure I can handle yellow toilet water.

Green Blessings!

John Hodgman Sighted Off the Port Bow!

Last night, I had the pleasing pleasure of seeing the enigmatic, erudite, and empirologicalistic John Hodgman speak at Powell's Bookstore here in Portland. He was pimping the paperback version of his brilliant Areas of My Expertise, which has all the information about hoboes you never knew you needed but now realize you do, along with many things non-hobo that you probably also need to know.

My girlfriend asked for a sip of his brandy and he granted her wish, after she showed appropriate, state-issued identification. Hairy, folksy Jonathan Coulton played Mr. Hodgman's theme song live and in person.

You really should buy that book. It is purely and completely coincidence that I use the exact same Blogger template as Mr. Hodgman. I picked it before I ever saw his. Seriously.

Your Youth Dew Has Gone Rancid

Hey, bitch. You're like 53. Maybe it's time to drop the pigtails.